Difficult conversations at work are unavoidable sometimes. The good news is most people approach such discussions with collaborative — not combative — attitudes and intentions, according to the Harvard Business Review.
A recent survey of nearly 1,100 people conducted by Fractl found most people plan on being agreeable and considerate when preparing to have a difficult conversation with a colleague. About 66 percent of respondents said they tend to go out of their way to make the other person feel comfortable and even admit they played a role in creating the uncomfortable situation, according to the report. Another 81 percent of respondents said they acknowledge there are multiple perspectives, while 75 percent said they try to be direct and concise.
Interestingly, the survey found people generally feel the least nervous about apologizing for a mistake or discussing a lack of clear direction. The topic that causes the most distress is negotiating a raise, especially among women. More than 66 percent of women said they feel very or somewhat uncomfortable negotiating a raise, compared to about half of men.
The survey also showed that higher-ranking employees are more likely than subordinates to walk away from the conversation feeling satisfied, with 75 percent of supervisors and 46 percent of direct reports indicating feeling satisfied with the results of the conversation, according to the report.
To get the best results for all parties involved in an anxiety-inducing conversation, consider the following three tips.
1. Know what you want to get out of the conversation, but don't go in determined to "win" it. "If you want a raise, for instance, you may need to start with other goals, such as having your work fully appreciated, having input into your compensation and making sure you're being paid equitably," said employee relations consultant Fran Sepler, according to the report.
2. Find out how valuable you are. Knowing how marketable and valuable you are will give you more confidence during difficult conversations, especially those pertaining to asking for a raise.
3. Walk in with a collaborative mindset. The best way to approach a difficult conversation is treating it as two people working together to solve a problem. There are four elements of this framework. First, tell your side of the situation and ask the other person to explain his or hers. Next, go over the facts and discuss the impact on each of you, the team and the organization. Third, discuss possible solutions and ask the other person for their ideas. Finally, commit to a strategy or solution that involves both sides taking action and accepting accountability.